22 Dec 2021
Let me start off by saying this, if you have gotten this far, means, you want to get better and you are tired of being heart broken. So, CONGRATULATIONS! You have already taken the first step to make things better by being self-aware and accepting that sadness is not your fate, and you deserve to be happy! After acceptance, you can begin recovery.
You may have heard about the cycle of grief, where you start with denial, then anger comes in, followed by depression, acceptance and ultimately recovery. Don’t worry, I am not going to talk about Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief here. Just going to share what actually helped me out.
In my 30 years of life on this planet, I’ve had my share of heart breaks, and you’ll agree with me, they are definitely not fun! From crying myself to sleep to major anxiety attacks, you name it, I have experienced it all. But believe it or not, biggest learning curve for me from all this is to actually, THANK THEM! They have done a huge favour and it is a blessing in disguise that they are gone! Without those experiences, you will be a completely different person. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE who I am now, more than ever in my life.
Big or small, all heart breaks are painful and your feelings are valid.And I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, so let me say it, You are a survivor! The emotional turmoils you have been through were not a freakin joke, so give yourself some credit!
When you feel like crying? Play those sad songs and cry it out. Keep nothing inside, LET IT ALL OUT. But make a pact with yourself that, once you’re done crying and that’s it, never again. Well, at least not for the same person. If you ever feel like crying again, treat your brain like a child, what I mean is, if you saw a child crying, you would try and console them and make them feel better right? So, do the same with yourself. Ask yourself, what’s going on and show yourself some self-love.
Ask for help! It is okay to feel the feelings you are feeling! Oh, so many feelings (pun intended)! Reach out to your family and friends, a hug from a friend will make you feel so much better.
Once you have gone through the crying phase, it is time to ask yourself, ‘What sparks joy in my life?’, yep, just like Marie Kondo. Grab a pen and paper, write all the things down that you have come up with, it could be going to the gym, watering a plant, baking yourself a chocolate fudge cake, etcetera etcetera, you get it.
Whatever makes you happy, make a list.The plan is to have that list handy at all times, so when start going back in that dark place again, you just look at the list and start doing at least one of those things.
Positive affirmations, this is the last thing I am going to talk about in this blog but it is extremely important you do these. Your mind will never stop thinking, so you have to change the narration and think positive things instead of sad and negative thoughts. And positive affirmations will do exactly that for you.
Okay, so how does one do positive affirmations?
I am no pro at this, but this has helped me over the years, what you do is
1. Sit in a comfortable and quiet spot
2. Close your eyes
3. Take a few deep breaths
4. Bring your attention to the person
5. Then say ‘I forgive you for what you did to me, I apologies for what I did to you, I LET YOU GO’.
It will be very hard to say ‘FORGIVE’ for the first time, but just shoot those word out of your mouth forcefully, it will be easier next time you say it. Repeat the affirmation until you feel comfortable with it.
There is a quote by Stephen Chbosky, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” is what was wrong with me, lack of self-worth was my major problem. Hey, but not anymore. You just have to shift the focus from figuring out why your relationship didn’t work out to building a relationship with yourself. What you like, what you don’t like, discovering yourself, when you are lost is the perfect time for it. ❤️